Bbcwntoday.com – a practicing family psychologist, trainer, author of books, Master Helen Gamayun – gives practical advice for maintaining relationships
1 . You and I often hear the phrase: “You need to love and accept yourself.” However, not everyone understands what this really means. Women say with irritation: “I love myself anyway, but I bought myself a dress, did my hair, went to a massage once,” while she works like a man, the nervous system is not in order, does not do what he wants, her husband offends her children twist ropes, she does not have the opportunity to be alone with herself … Love and acceptance of herself are one of the basic criteria for guaranteeing a woman’s happiness in love, and in relationships with loved ones, and career success, and, of course, the absence of problems with health.
Let’s see what self-love is? For this, we turn to our essence. We have our beautiful body, our mind, our emotions, our Spirit … And all this is in great need of our joyful care, attention, and love. Our little girl inside really wants to be heard, waiting for praise and gifts. Instead, he constantly hears: “no”, “not now”, “we are already too old for this”, “I must sacrifice myself”, “and the most important thing is to take care of loved ones.”
Let’s start taking care of ourselves: our body, our mood, our development, and our soul!
Self-love is not selfishness. She can, of course, be selfish, but this depends on the quality of the personality of the person himself.
2. Remember that a man loves with his eyes and requires attention. A neat appearance, well-groomed skin, smooth hair, and a pleasant scent emanating from you are all very important for your husband.
There is an important rule: when the husband comes home, it is important to give him your time for the first 20 minutes. Men often complain that in marriage a woman gradually forgets this rule, opens the door in an old dressing gown, and begins a meeting with complaints about children, with negative information. Ask yourself the question: why does a man come home after a hard day at work? He needs resources. He needs to replenish his vitality. And if he doesn’t get it, he will go elsewhere.
3. Get interested in your intimate life: Explore the world of sensual pleasures together, learn tantra, new items in the field of sex. Do not hesitate to attend interesting training on this topic, go to a sex shop. Many married couples will agree that spouses do not make love as often as our ancestors did before. Some cite fatigue at work, others – the alleged lack of the opportunity to calmly have sex in connection with the birth of a child or for other reasons. However, it should be understood that a regular intimate life brings spouses closer together, allows them to feel like one whole, and also excludes possible temptations “on the side”. Think about your women’s health and in no case become “mother Teresa” and “victim” with the program: everything for the sake of children! After all, your child may be left without a father. Realistically look at the situation: is the reason really that someone or something is stopping you from making love, or there are deeper layers, and you yourself are afraid to admit to yourself that you just might not want to? And if so, it is very important to understand this problem. It is necessary to contact a specialist – a psychologist or a sexologist – and solve all these problems. If you are unwell (have a cold, or something in your female body is going wrong), do not hide it from your husband. Otherwise, he will think that you do not want him and will begin to take offense at you. do not hide it from her husband. Otherwise, he will think that you do not want him and will begin to take offense at you. Do not hide it from her husband. Otherwise, he will think that you do not want him and will begin to take offense at you.
Intimate life is not only sex itself, it is also stroking her husband, affection for him, light massage while watching a movie together. This is the same energetic and tactile contact that is so necessary for a married couple. Love each other and with joy and creativity find new and interesting moments to diversify your family life.
4. Learn how to get out of conflicts and make claims correctly. Help each other agree. And of course, never criticize your husband in front of other people or relatives. The male psyche is very vulnerable. His ego may be hurt, and as a result, problems will begin in the same intimate sphere, and the desire to be with a woman “who does not respect him” may disappear for a long time!
5. Always remain a little mysterious for your husband, let you have your own hobbies, your female secrets. Change your look often. Sometimes be a “coquette”, sometimes a “vamp woman”, sometimes – an airy-fairy, light and cheerful, and sometimes a sweet simple “girl”, all this will help diversify your life together, because a woman is always a bit of an actress.
6. Don’t be afraid to lose your man and don’t humiliate yourself with jealousy… Be wise. Don’t compare yourself to other women. It is necessary to decide once and for all for yourself that you are the most worthy and wonderful wife and mother. Your thoughts have the ability to materialize, so don’t be negative. In doing so, stay alert to your moods in the family. Maintain emotional contact with your husband, observe his interests and mood. And if anything, look at the first point: love yourself. If a woman is not interesting to herself, then she is not interesting to her husband either. When one of my clients began to suspect her husband of losing interest in her (and possibly treason), the first thing we started to do was to resurrect a woman in her. And they turned all their attention and energy to her. And so, when she suddenly began to blossom (did energy practices, put herself in order, her eyes glowed with sexual energy), her own husband was worried if she had found herself someone, why she suddenly became so happy and beautiful? And he was inflamed with passion for her, like on a honeymoon.
7. It is important to make a man feel like a “getter”. Let him make decisions (even if that decision is yours). Praise and support him more, especially with friends and girlfriends, as if by chance. And of course, help him understand you. Talk about your desires and preferences. After all, he also wants to be needed and loved for you,
Remember that relationships are therefore called “mutual”, as this is the desire to be together for both partners, it is mutual participation in your life together. Therefore, sometimes we can teach our man to build a happy relationship. And may you be desirable for each other for many years!