Psychologist Ekaterina Zhdan – on why second marriages are in most cases stronger than the first
Divorce and remarriage are no surprise today. Long gone are the days when a divorced woman was considered somehow inferior, dysfunctional, and looked at with regret. Today, many successful women have a history of two, three, or even more marriages. But even today, the unsuccessful experience of starting a family at first still has a negative impact on a woman and, first of all, on her self-esteem.
One of the biggest fears is the fear that the next marriage will also fail. Women who have already been married, especially young women, if their marriage ended badly through the fault of their spouse, begin to mistrust men, to the institution of marriage as such, and if the reason for the divorce was rooted in their behavior, then they can reproach themselves that they could not save the family.
Meanwhile, both statistics and the personal experience of many women say the opposite: second marriages are in most cases stronger and more successful than the first. This is due at least to the fact that a woman enters a second marriage, as a rule, at a more mature age and responsibly approaches both the choice of the chosen one and the construction of relations within the family. Therefore, you should not be afraid to enter into a new relationship with the man you like, and if everything suits you, then marry him, start a family again.
There are a lot of men in the world, and if you’re previous husband or roommate did not meet your expectations, you should not extend this negative experience to the entire strong half of humanity. People are very different, and just a new relationship can open a woman’s eyes to how diverse the models of behavior are and that, if they wish, they can easily choose a man to match.
However, the key to success in a second marriage lies in the observance of a number of simple rules. Firstly, you should not focus on your past and bad experiences of family relationships. Do not often remember your first marriage, albeit in a negative way. Your previous relationship and ex-husband should not be present in your current marriage. This is the past, and let it remain where it should be – in the depths of your soul, in its, so to speak, museum part.
Secondly, in no case should you compare the current husband with the previous one, again, albeit in a positive way. Otherwise, the husband will feel the constant presence of this invisible second or, more precisely, the previous man. The same must be explained to parents, other relatives, and girlfriends: they should not talk about his predecessor in the presence of a new husband.
Thirdly, on the basis of the first sad experience of marriage, it is worth drawing conclusions, understanding what then became the cause of conflicts, quarrels, misunderstandings, and trying to prevent such behavior on both sides in new relationships.
A new marriage is a new page in life, and one must understand that everything can be different in it: the new husband has different everyday habits, outlook on life, culinary tastes. This must be taken into account and it is necessary to build a new family, and not try to recreate the model of the old family with a substitute for the first husband in the person of a new man. At the same time, it is worth understanding that a new marriage is a chance to correct the situation, correct your behavior, and bring into your life what was not introduced in previous relationships.