Julia Terentyeva, an expert in unlocking human potential, astropsychologist, author of a unique course on thinking of abundance, will tell you about how to get rid of “inner demons” and become a happy, realized personality
Where does self-doubt come from?
There are at least three reasons that prevent people from developing:
– Personal identification with others.
A person is a hyper social creature and from childhood adopts the model of parental behavior, including copying self-doubt.
– Learned helplessness.
A child who receives only negative or positive feedback from his parents eventually realizes that nothing depends on his actions. This situation creates low self-esteem, insecurity and helplessness.
– An inferiority complex.
A hypertrophied feeling of one’s own weakness and inadequacy is closely associated with low self-esteem, and as a result, faith in one’s own strength is lost.
These three concepts automatically trigger programmed boilerplate behavior when triggers are encountered.
Fear of responsibility
This feeling goes hand in hand with Impostor Syndrome. A person is afraid to take the initiative and take on some responsibilities, because he considers himself not good enough or competent. In communicating with others, he is afraid to be himself, to express an opinion, to defend boundaries. Shifts his responsibility to others and takes a passive position when making decisions.
Because of doubts about unselfish love on the part of other people, it is very difficult for a person to say no. He is even willing to tolerate dismissiveness. Most of all he is afraid of getting a negative assessment and being branded as bad, so he always rushes at the first call of a friend to the other end of the city. And here the main driver is not the desire to help, but the inability to refuse.
It cannot be 100% asserted that shyness and lack of communication is always a sign of self-doubt. It happens that just arrogant behavior and the habit of asserting oneself at someone else’s expense betrays such a person. He takes criticism and losses hard. If he feels that someone wants to question his greatness, then he begins to behave rather aggressively in response.
The desire to prove to the whole world their worth
A person is constantly trying to improve himself in order to prove to others how good he is. At the same time, he always remains dissatisfied with his appearance, success, talents. This makes self-esteem even lower and insecurity even stronger.
One can only imagine how hard it is for indecisive people to accept defeat. They replay each mistake in their heads over and over again, scolding themselves for their actions.
A person is eternally in fear of losing something, does not feel the ground under his feet. It’s not just about being jealous of the opposite sex. This can be a friend, a pet, a boss at work.
Compare yourself to others
Insecure people like to compare their external data, financial situation, intelligence and abilities with others. And the conclusion is never in their favor. Such a habit only fuels even more the attitude “I am a nonentity” and cuts off faith in oneself at the root.
5 ways to neutralize boilerplate behavior
1. Do not use outside advice, but try to make a decision on your own.
Constantly relying on other people’s advice, you automatically give up in order to gain new invaluable experience. Even if after your choice you get a negative result, then there is nothing wrong with that. But you will get out of the position of the child and begin to act.
2. Compare yourself only with yourself yesterday.
Evaluate other people’s successes with their knowingly losing position. You will never see the whole picture in order to objectively weigh everything. Maybe the person with whom you compare yourself is doing great at work, but the family sphere is sagging. All people are very different and each is beautiful in its own way.
3. Think back to a situation when you were confident.
Go back to the moment where you showed courage. Connect with yourself as you visualize and revive these sensations in muscle memory. Try to do this exercise more often.
4. Find a symbol that you feel confident seeing.
For example, perfume, keychain, hot bath, upright posture. Have some kind of talisman that will give you courage.
5. Start taking responsibility for the little things.
For some people, even the most common household chores are stressful. If you don’t know how to pay utility bills and someone else does it for you, then it’s worth learning. Your self-esteem will start to grow a little.
If you want to help a loved one become more self-confident, then notice his most insignificant achievements, praise him more often. Try to find the value of your friend, a partner for you, so you will strengthen his strengths and emphasize his dignity.
Half of the success of defeating self-doubt depends on understanding the root causes and the ability to track pattern behavior. Explore your habits with this article and start working on them.